A Time for farewell

Dear Dad,

Its been 5 months now and I still await your voice in the night for some crazy reason. I speak to you at the oddest of times, still thinking you can hear me through the night rain or morning sun. I haven't deleted your telephone number from my cell list either, and I really have no plan to. I cant believe that the rock in my life really is gone and yet all too well I know its really true.

What is odd for me, I know you were there when my son died, and when my world has been at its darkest points, you were willing to judge yet love unconditionally, something so few ever can learn to do. I learned so much, even though you never set out to be a teacher. Instead, you just lived your life, as yourself, always seemingly confident in who you were, and you really didn't care how others thought of you. They could be your friend, or not. your door never closed to someone in need, even though many discounted your faithfulness.

I guess by now you know what is next, and oh how I wish you could tell me, but i guess that its against the rules. I still hope that your rebel spirit will see fit to break the rules, just like old times. I still wonder if you felt the pain, and hope you didn't. I wonder about the fires, the last minutes, the false friends who forced their decisions, and how that played a part in your final days. I wonder why you chose to be alone, or if you really were. I look in on Robbie more often now, I don't know why, I just do. I am trying to learn more about the past now also, even though I don't know who to share it with.

I'm sure many who deal with death have the same questions, the same unknowns, the same challenges to keep going, I'm not the only soul who seeks answers and does not take blind faith as a solution to life's unknowns. And I guess I will be the same way about deaths unknowns also. I have my own beliefs, and theories, and I hear others too, yet there seems to be such a big piece missing.

I miss you, I wish I could still call just to see whats going on, and I miss seeing that big red truck delivering you for a visit from the road. I hope you have found the freedom again that you had in your journeys on the road here. I hope you have wings to let your spirit soar and see everything you ever wanted to see. I hope your next life brings everything you ever can imagine. And , last of all, I hope you find Love again, in every moment.

Safe Journeys Dad